How to survive living with an ex
Breakups are hard enough as it is but it’s almost impossible to move forward when you have to continue to live with your ex. Long leases, mortgages and other financial commitments mean that you can’t just pack your bags, move out and get on with your life.
That once loving environment which has now turned in to a pit of simmering resentment and hostility doesn’t have to leave you feeling trapped. We have compiled some top tips on how to live with your ex whilst staying out of a relationship.
Stay Amicable. The basic fact is that you can’t live in an environment where there is a definite atmosphere. Of course this is going to be difficult if the breakup wasn’t an amicable one in the first place but its essential that you remain civil with your ex.
Stay Positive. It would be so easy to feel depressed and negative when you’re stuck in a situation like living with your ex but it’s essential that you remain positive and upbeat. Breaking up isn’t the end of the world and if you’re keen on staying friends then you don’t want to cause more of an atmosphere.
Don’t go back. Old habits, die hard so be careful that you don’t fall back in to old patterns. Remember that you’re no longer a couple but roommates. If you want to move on but you’ve no choice about having to live with your ex then you’re going to have to change your behaviour. That means no longer checking when your ex returns home, definitely not sleeping with them and stop cooking for two!
Draw up an arrangement for when it comes to the housework and bills. If you shared chores and a bank account then you may want to sit down with your ex and draw up an agreement so you know whose going to be paying what and doing what. Will you be doing separate food shopping? Whose going to pay for sky or the broadband? Remember you have to step out of the roles that you once had when you were together and start afresh. Knowing whose responsibility it is to do what will also stop any arguments further down the line.
Realise that it’s not going to be easy staying friends. At least not straight away. Try to minimise time together for the first few months of being apart. It’ll help you move on with your life and make it a bit easier to separate.
If you can, set a timeframe to move. If you’ve got a mortgage then it’s not going to be that easy but if it’s a case of having a long lease then you can set a timeframe of moving. It is always worth reading your tenancy agreement too as there maybe a way you can get out of it without being penalised.
Enforce a no sleep over rule. You may or may not be looking forward to getting back in to the dating game but think about the feelings of your ex partner. It maybe wise to enforce a no sleep over rule for a few months until you both adjust to no longer being together. Remember it’s their home too and you don’t want to make them feel uncomfortable in their own space.
Don’t try to make your ex partner jealous. Going on dates just to make your ex jealous is a dangerous game. We’d advise staying off the dating scene until you no longer live together. If that could be a LONG time when at least give it enough time so that feelings don’t get hurt.
If you follow these tips then you have a chance of making it work. Make sure that you stay positive and look ahead.
